| Israel suffered a slump in tourist numbers | | | | I: 'No, we've known each other for two and a half |
| between 1999 and 2001. Those from Britain | | | | years and been living together for two years.' |
| numbered 200,000 in the former year, 80,000 in | | | | Are you trying to catch me out or are you just |
| the latter, only two years later. What had | | | | forgetful? |
| happened in the intervening time? The second | | | | SO: 'How often do you have sex?' |
| intifada had broken out in September 2000, after | | | | No, sorry, I must have imagined that one. It just |
| peace talks collapsed during that summer. The | | | | felt as if we were being asked that. |
| intifada lasted a ghastly five years. | | | | SO: 'Where have you been staying in Israel?' |
| TOURISTS ARE BACK | | | | I: 'Partly with relatives, partly in youth hostels.' |
| However, despite the war against Hezbollah in the | | | | SO: 'Ah!! You have relatives here. How are they |
| summer of 2006, Israel is now judged to be | | | | related to you? What are their names? Where do |
| relatively stable and tourist numbers are rising | | | | they live?' |
| again. From the UK 167,000 visitors travelled to | | | | I told her. |
| Israel in 2006 and within a year the number is | | | | SO: 'Do you speak Hebrew?' |
| expected to be ten per cent higher. Guidebook | | | | I: 'No.' |
| publishers are starting to put Israel back on the | | | | SO: 'Have you ever made any attempt to learn |
| map. | | | | Hebrew?' |
| The revival comes not before time for Israel's | | | | As though my learning five words of Hebrew |
| tourist industry, which was barely scraping by | | | | would make me less likely to be carrying a bomb. |
| since 2000, but has lately picked up enormously. | | | | I: 'No.' |
| The country attracts not only religious devotees | | | | SO: 'Is this your first visit to Israel?' |
| but also plain tourists interested in the multiplicity | | | | I: 'Yes.' |
| of things that the country has to offer. | | | | SO: 'For both of you?' |
| ABOUT ISRAELsrael is tiny: nearly 12 Israels | | | | I: 'Yes.' |
| would fit into the area of the United Kingdom. | | | | SO: 'Why have you come to Israel?' |
| Nevertheless, it boasts no fewer than 54 national | | | | I: 'Because I have relatives here and we thought |
| and nature parks, displaying a range of features | | | | it would be interesting.' |
| from Turkish baths to mosaics, from Roman ruins | | | | SO: 'Ah! And you haven't visited the relatives |
| to mediaeval citadels, from spas to fortresses. | | | | before?' |
| Kursi, for example, on the eastern shore of the | | | | Good thinking, kid. I already told you that. |
| Sea of Galilee, is mentioned in the New | | | | SO: So, you've been living in the UK for 34 years. |
| Testament as the scene, 'in the country of the | | | | How come you've been allowed to stay in Britain |
| Gadarenes', at which Jesus exorcised the devils | | | | that time?' |
| from the body of a man and transferred them to | | | | None of your business. That's between me and |
| a herd of pigs. The pigs then purportedly | | | | the British government. |
| hot-footed it down to the water, where they | | | | SO: 'Have you spoken to any Israelis while you've |
| drowned. | | | | been here?' |
| JERUSALEM & TEL AVIV | | | | No, I've temporarily turned into a deaf mute. |
| Jerusalem, it goes without saying, is a place for all | | | | SO; 'Were your relatives born in Israel or did any |
| seasons, for worshippers and heathens, for | | | | of them make aliyah [immigrate]?' |
| historians and shoppers, for photographers (the | | | | I: 'The ones I'm seeing were all born in Israel.' |
| light and the yellow stone of the old buildings are | | | | SO: 'So, none of them made aliyah?' |
| wonderful) and restaurant-goers. Tel Aviv is one | | | | I: 'No, they were born in Israel.' |
| of few capital cities that are situated along a | | | | As before. |
| beachfront and also have a 24-hour culture suited | | | | SO: 'And where do the relatives live?' |
| to all ages and tastes. | | | | I: 'In Tel Aviv, in Karkur, in Yiron Kibbutz on the |
| SECURITY | | | | Lebanese border and in Kfar Yehezkel.' |
| Security is tight on leaving as well as entering the | | | | SO: 'And you don't speak Hebrew? |
| country. Here is the text - approximately - of a | | | | I: 'No, but my pronunciation of names is all right, |
| conversation my partner and I had with a | | | | isn't it?' |
| security officer on our first visit to Israel (my | | | | SO: 'Not bad for a foreigner.' |
| thoughts in italics): | | | | In the end, I expressed my puzzlement at some |
| Security Officer (SO): 'Sorry to ask you a | | | | of the questions. What possible indication of my ill |
| personal question, but what is the relationship | | | | intent could they glean from, for example, the |
| between you two?' | | | | fact that my relatives were born in Israel? |
| I: 'We are partners.' | | | | 'I could tell you,' said the security official, 'but I'd |
| SO: 'You live together?' | | | | have to kill you afterwards.' |
| I: 'Yes. We work together too.' | | | | Don't bother. In the end, I later realised, the heat |
| SO: 'You live together and work together. How | | | | of an Israeli summer nearly did that. |
| long have you known each other?' | | | | Apart from the questioning at the airport, Israel |
| I: 'Two and a half years.' | | | | was one of the most beautiful countries I have |
| SO: 'How long have you been living together?' | | | | so far visited and the people were extremely |
| I: 'Two years.' | | | | hospitable. So, welcome back to Israel and as the |
| SO: 'So, you've been living together for two and a | | | | Israelis say: 'Enjoy! |
| half years.' | | | | |